|Remember when you guys let me do bangs?|
That pretty lady and myself spent yesterday bopping around Orlando buying baby shower goodies, eating cupcakes, and 'oohing' and 'ahhing' over little baby shoes. One of our last stops was at 'Buy Buy Baby'. Funny side note about that place: The boyfriend asked me if that was an abortion clinic. Say it out loud. Yep. I'm not admitting if a laughed or not, but I did immediately secure my two bedroom condo in hell after he said that. Anyway, it's a smaller, slightly more high end BabiesRUs.
Two seconds after we walked in, I uttered those dirty words that I never thought would come out of my mouth, "I want a baby!".
Jesus, if you heard that, I DIDN'T MEAN IT. Babies are for grown-ups, and scientists aren't sure if or when I will ever be one of those. It was the smell in there. The entire store smelled like that sweet, delicious, clean baby smell. THE WHOLE STORE. It assaulted your sense of smell as soon as the doors opened. Instead of just enjoying that nice aroma and going about my business, I decided to more or less accuse the cashier of some kind of baby conspiracy. You know, like how Vegas pumps oxygen in the casinos, so when I'm passed out in the hotel lobby and security wakes me up, I actually want another vodka and sprite. They pump in that baby smell so you leave the store wanting a stupid baby. Don't worry, this kind of reasoning
So, be careful out there, ladies. If you're around my age, a lot of your friends are starting to have babies on purpose. Actually, most of my friends' babies are accidents, and I plan on threatening to tell their kids that in exchange for cake and moscato. But, either way, stay out of Buy Buy Baby, or breathe out of your mouth in there, because they do have some really cute stuff. Fuck it, just shop online. You can do that without pants.
No Babies Allowed.