This Bitch

Anybody who knows me at all knows that I am in LOVE with my dog.  I consider her my child and my best friend.  If I'm not working, I'm hanging out with her.  If I am working, I'm wondering what she's up to.

She's my favorite.  That being said, today I found myself wishing she was the size of a basketball and not the size of an eight year old so I could pick her up and punt her across the living room.  Somebody forgot she has been potty trained for the past nine months of her life.

'She's talking about me'

 She likes to do that every once in a while.  Maybe she's trying to keep me on my toes, maybe she gets bored, or maybe she just really just needs to take a shit.  I don't know.  I do know it makes me want to pick her up and shake her.

I don't care what any of you guys say, no matter how much you love your dog, or even your child, you've felt that way toward him or her.  If you haven't, then you're a big fat stupid liar, or just recently got your dog/had your baby.  Joey down right sucks sometimes.

Yeah, that's for you, Joe.

She also likes to chew on the bed, which is something she just started a week ago, she will always prefer cat food over dog food, she has somehow mastered the art of removing my eye mask from my face while I'm sleeping (I still can't figure that one out), and let's not forget, she landed me in the emergency room.  She also prefers my bed after a nice roll in the dirt, and only after I've just washed the sheets and made my bed.  Oh, she also likes to spit her food on me when she doesn't like something.

'She's still talking about me.'

As I sit here typing this, with all 55 pounds of that thing in my lap, I can't think of a good price to sell her for, because damnit, there isn't enough money in the world to replace her.  And that's saying a lot, because I have a pretty hefty car payment to get rid of.  If you are interested in her though, she really does give some pretty mean kisses.

And you can totally have her for up to 48 hours so I can take a nap lasting for roughly the same amount of time.

I love ya Joe, but you really suck sometimes.

'Yeah, she still means me.'

Over and out.