Somewhere, walking free around this Earth, is a very horrible, disgusting, miserable person. That person is the individual responsible for creating the NSYNC reunion rumor. Did you really think this was funny?
You know what's dumber than pissing off a bunch of teenage girls? Pissing off those same girls ten years later. We're just as angry, but now we have real jobs, so we have the means to go with our motive to kick your ass.
This actually happening has been on all of our Christmas lists every year for the past decade. Well, maybe just mine and Joey Fatone's but whatever. When I first heard the rumor I was skeptical, but then this information was being shared, retweeted, buzzfeeded, buzzfed? Everybody was talking about it. So, I started to believe. I let myself get excited. And then I remembered Eve picked that apple off the tree all those years ago, and women are STILL getting punished for it. Forgive and forget, God. Forgive and forget.
Every single boy band that has ever been inserted into my portable CD player has gotten back together in the past few years. Some of them, we didn't even ask for (I'm looking at you, Lachey brothers and your two weird friends).
Do we need to trade some people in to make this happen? Because Lady Gaga and the Biebs have really been rubbing people the wrong way lately. You can take everybody who has been 'twerking' lately, too. Except for Miley. I'd like to keep her.
Is this maybe some big scheme put on by the Backstreet Boys to make themselves look better? 'Oh, hey, look at NSYNC over there not getting back together while you're listening to our new album.' I already bought it, guys, no need to break my heart in the process.
Was this a game of telephone gone horribly wrong?
"This weather really stinks."
"This sweater really stinks."
"The sweater is in the sink."
"This better be in sync."
"Together is NSYNC."
"NSYNC is getting back together??!"
And that's how rumors get started, assholes.
Listen, I don't care who started this vicious rumor, but you better fix it, and fast, because it's the weekend, and all these angry girls are about to start drinking and throwing shit.
And if there is actually any truth to this, I'm still drinking and throwing shit.
Bye, Bye, Bye.