Friday, August 9, 2013

Somebody Sedate Me

Yesterday ended up a little more exciting than I bargained for.  My night job obviously calls for me to do my snoozing during the day.  And over the past two years I have been 100% unsuccessful at adjusting to this schedule.  I'm usually riding around on about four hours of sleep, on a good day.  When I first started the job, that was fine.  I could do almost anything on little to no sleep.  I mean, I went to school full time and worked two jobs my last two years of college, sleep was a luxury.  Well, apparently 27 is the magic age where things start to 'catch up with you'.  I'm so tired on a regular basis now, I don't know which way is up anymore.

It's been pretty bad for the past year or so, but I've coped, and I've tried everything to avoid needing a prescription.  Benadryl, Melatonin, eye masks, sleepy time tea.  NOTHING WORKS.  So, yesterday I finally decided to go to the doctor.  I needed a primary care physician anyways.  Naturally, because even the tiniest things have to be complicated for me, every physician I was referred to was either on vacation or didn't have an available appointment until October.  Uh, not gonna work. I need to go to sleep like eight months ago. So, I did what any grown up in this situation would do, I closed my eyes and picked a doctor.  The fact that Dr. Random had pretty much her entire afternoon open didn't even phase me.  I needed some pills and I needed them now.

Good news is, I actually ended up really liking this lady and will definitely keep going to her, though I'm not entirely sure she'll have me, because I more or less ruined her day.

I haven't had a primary care doctor since Dr. Randolph was giving me scratch and sniff stickers and thanking me for being a brave, and yes that lasted a little past the normal pediatric stage.  Turns out, when you go to a new doctor you're required to have blood work done.  (Shut up if you knew that.)  Guess who didn't eat breakfast?  Guess who also passes out pretty easily?  Half way through the second vile of blood I knew I was a goner.  I woke up with the doctor holding my face asking me if I was alright.

"Are you okay?!"
"I think so."
"Do you know where you are?"
"Ummm, it's my first time here, so I don't remember the name."
"That's a pretty long sentence for just passing out.  Cancel the ambulance!"

Excuse me, I like to make things a production.

So after I was a little more stable, they moved me to a different room and give me some V8 Juice, and kept trying to give me crackers.  I really wasn't in the mood for crackers, so, no thanks.  Ten minutes later, a nurse popped in with some cookies.  I knew I was holding out for something better.  So, what turned into a thirty minute check up was a roughly hour and forty five minute long ordeal with snack time.  Don't worry though, I got the goods.

But, since I'm always super honest with doctors, and told her my lengthy history with sleep walking, I'm not allowed to have actual sleep aids like Ambien, so I'm on an anti-depressant that's used to treat insomnia.  And I just keep imagining anti-depressants having the opposite effect on people who aren't depressed.  So, now my happy go lucky, glass is half full, silver lining ass should be extra annoying cheerful.  Also, I felt the need to to be overtly happy when I picked up my prescription, so pharmacist didn't think I needed a hug.  I would have totally taken one though, I had a rough day.  And, due to all the doctor office excitement, I forgot to ask her about my eye situation, so there's still an excellent chance I could lose it and hit pirate status. 

This cool cat stole my eye patch though.

Here's to waking up a new person.

1 comment:

  1. I think you're my favorite. I think I've laughed at every post I've read!