Wednesday, July 3, 2013

The Life of a Mom

Yes, I am a mother.  I have three furry little monsters running around my house at all hours of the night.  Now, before you mothers of humans get all up in arms about comparing animals and babies, you should know, I've lived with and took care of twin newborns before, so I get an opinion, and I'm right.  To you mothers who have human and animal babies, you're insane and I don't know how you do it.  Unless of course your children are old enough to be taught about responsibility and they have to take care of those pets to learn this, in that case, you're an absolute genius.

1.  Have you ever tried to clean your house with two cats and a dog hanging around?  It can't happen.   First of all, let's talk about the mess they make.  I'm aware kids like to take out all of their toys and not put them away, and I feel your pain on that one.

She didn't even play with any of these.  She just sat next to them and mocked me.  You know what makes a pet toy extra 'make you want to kill them/yourself'?  Most of them come with this lovely little stuffing in them.

 And they're really big fans of adding dirt to the decor in your house.

  Let me tell you, these guys aren't happy unless they're shredding a toy and spreading its insides across the house or getting dirt EVERYWHERE.  And don't even think about giving them a chore list.  Nothing will ever get done.



Do you have any idea how long I waited for the bed to get made and the laundry to be folded?  I'm still waiting.  I'm thinking about starting a chore wheel and beating them with it.

2.  When they're not ganging up on a poor stuffed monkey, they're trying to kill each other.

As you can see, Joey's weapon of choice is her weight.  She learned that genius move from her previously chunky momma.  You might be able to run faster and strike faster, but if we sit on you, it doesn't matter how fast you are.  So, be nice to the fat kids, guys, or we'll sit on you and win.

3.  They're big fans of hanging out places they don't belong.

4.  The older kids hate the new additions to the family initially.  I'm pretty sure Joey wanted this thing sent back where it came from, ASAP.  And as the youngest, Olive was constantly trying to force Joey into loving her. The first few days of trying to get them to get along was a disaster.  Lots of meowing, scratching, and hissing, and that was just from me.

5.  And privacy? Yeah, right.  I can't do anything without stepping, laying, or sitting on one of these dudes.

"Mom! Are you done peeing yet?"

It's like they think if they lose track of you for one second, they'll never see you again.  Don't worry, guys, nobody likes hanging out with the weird girl who keeps photos of her pets in her wallet.

These guys are HARD work.  They are messy, loud, mean, and I'm not even going to talk about vet bills.  Do yourself a favor, pet owners:  GET INSURANCE.  I promise, you and your pet will be very thankful.  Or you can wait until you get a $4,000 vet bill and learn the hard way, like we did.  They are worth every penny, though, because I get to wake up to this.

Actually, I woke up to this once.  Usually somebody's on my head, and somebody's unrolling a roll of toilet paper.  But I get to dress them up, so it all evens out.

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