Thursday, July 18, 2013


Hi, my name's Tina, and apparently you guys all think I'm an alcoholic.  "Hi Tina!"

Yeah, I woke up from a nap yesterday, and my trustee sidekick (my iPhone) let me know that my best buddy Brittney had posted on my wall on Facebook.  No big deal, she posts on my wall all the time.  Will it be cat related?  Am I getting asked out on a lunch date?  Neither.  She posted an ecard on my wall.  Still not a big deal.  Ecards sometimes make me laugh.  Brittney always makes me laugh.  This should be good.  And it was.

See?  Funny.  So what is the big deal, you ask?  Apparently when somebody sees anything wine related, I immediately pop into their head.  All of these bad boys are on my page:

Is there something you guys want to talk to me about?  Oh, this one's on there twice:

TWICE.  I got it the first time guys.  It's probably easier if I just drink right out of the bottle.  You know what?  It's actually not, because I switched to boxes of wine a long time ago.  Get on my level.   Sure there's more alcohol in those sweet sweet cardboard boxes of heaven, but this is about saving money.  I pay less for the wine in the long run if I buy it by the box.  You think an alcoholic would even worry about economics?

Plus, you know what a glass bottle does when you drop it?  It breaks.  You know what a box does?  Maybe loses its shape a little bit if you drop it from like the second story.  That happy juice isn't getting out though.  Oh hey, a lesson in Physics right there.  Alcoholics probably need to brush up on that subject.  I'm plenty educated in that, thank you.

I feel like most alcoholics have at least one alcohol related charge on the record books somewhere.  Zero for me, bucko.  Sure, maybe because two glasses in I usually lose my keys, so I'm not driving anywhere, but I'd like to think I'd make the right decision to 'arrive alive' if I could just find my damn keys.  And no 'drunk in public' charges for me, bud.  Can't happen when you drink alone at your house...

Whatev.  Listen, all my bills are paid within two to three days of their due dates and my pets are still alive.  All three of them.  People even let me watch their kids sometimes.  I'M FINE.

Honestly, I think you can truly tell if somebody drinks too much wine if they have one of those monogrammed, insulated wine cups/glasses.  Are you so worried about losing your wine that you need your first, middle, AND last initial on there?  And until mine gets here in the mail this week...


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