Men get downright giddy over being able to light things on fire all day. And if the Fourth of July is on a weekend? Forget about it. Three days straight of narrowly missing blowing up a car or losing a limb? I can't compete with that. One year, I forgot where I parked my car and called the cops because I thought it had been stolen. Police lights. Those are the only things lighting up on my birthday.
And let's talk about how fancy everybody gets for you.
I couldn't even get everybody to keep their shoes on for my birthday last year. Hell, even my bitter ass joined in by celebrating you through fashion.