Tricks of the Trade

I've made no secret of the fact that I love my job.  While every other status on my Facebook newsfeed or Twitter timeline is usually somebody whining about their job, I usually walk through the front doors of my office with a smile on my face.

Don't mean to rub it in, but I do, I really do love my job.  Anywho, this post isn't about making you hate your job a little more or making you want to punch me in the face.  I want to talk about the many things I've learned over the past two and a half years in the medical field.

1.  Adults Don't Listen 

 None of them do.  No matter how many times you tell them to leave something alone or not to touch something, they just can't help themselves.  They have to see what that button does, or where that wire goes.  Just count your blessings that there aren't any needles involved and I'm not shoving something up your ass checking your temperature, and stop touching shit.

2.  Men Are Babies

Dear.  God.  This above all else.  Men are the worst.  Everything hurts.  Everything is uncomfortable.  Nothing works.  

I understand any kind of medical procedure can be a little scary, especially when it involves an overnight stay, but come on, dude.  The two year old down the hall is taking it like a champ.  Grow a pair and let me do this.  

 3.  The Fireman Stereotype Is True

Well, it is in Jamlando anyway.  Anytime we have an emergency situation, we have to call an ambulance since we aren't directly in the hospital.  With an ambulance always comes a fire truck.  In that fire truck, there are firemen.  And in those firemen, I see Jesus.  

I love my boyfriend times a million, but these dudes will definitely wake you up at two o'clock in the morning.  Ya feel me?

4.  Hospital Food Isn't That Bad

On the rare occasion I actually work inside the hospital, I always take advantage of the cafeteria.  I mean, I have absolutely no intention of giving their sushi a go, but that sweet little Asian man makes a mean quesadilla.  And they sell entire cakes.  I'm sure they're there to celebrate somebody having a baby or pulling through surgery, but it's only a matter a time before one of those bad boys is my three A.M. snack.  

5.  Medical Supply Companies Are Bad For Your Diet

The lucky sales rep who has stopped by is not just there to show off some new goody that's going to make somebody else's life and health ten times better.  He's also there to give you a big fat ass.  Donuts, cookies, sandwiches, candy.   You name it, if it has at least four digits worth of calories, one of those sons of bitches will bring it in.  And I love them oh so much for it.  One of them brought in something weird like granola once.  That's not why I come to work, captain.  Talk to the guy who brought in Krispy Kreme.  You could learn a thing or two.

Pay attention when you're at work.  You'll learn some stuff.  And get some snacks.  

Over and out.