Friday, September 13, 2013

The Dreaded Bye Week

Here we are.  Coming off of a particular fantastic win last weekend, against the Gators, in case any of you guys forgot, I'm ready for some more mother f-in' Hurricane football.  (They're the team that beat the Gators last week, in case you forgot, again)   But, when I check the schedule to see who we get to beat this weekend (but not the Gators, because we already beat them) there was a big giant sad face on the schedule.  Well, not really, but if they let girls write the schedules there would be.

I usually don't mind bye weeks, because I also happen to be a Clemson fan, so I can just watch them kick some ass instead, but they aren't playing this weekend.  So, for today's purposes, bye weeks are stupid.  You guys don't need a break.  You play one game a week.  You know what happens when you let a bunch of Miami players off for a weekend?  THEY GET INTO TROUBLE.  Just ask everybody who likes to make fun of our less than stellar, or impressive, depending on who you ask, criminal record.  If you would give us something to do, like, I don't know, play a football game, you could probably save the Miami tax payers a lot of money.  Plus, I'm sure jail is a scary place for some of those guys.

Ok, well maybe scary for the waterboy and a handful of cheerleaders, but whatever.

Thankfully, I won't need to resort to criminal shennanigans to pass the time of my Hurricane less weekend, because I get to celebrate my favorite FSU (gross) fan's birthday.  I would like to take the time now to thank him for having an appropriately timed birthday.  Thanks, babe!

So, I guess bye weeks are ok, when appropriately timed.  I mean, it's not like I need football to give me an excuse to drink, although doing a shot for every Gator turnover last week was FUN.  They come in handy when you don't want to be that asshole that checked 'no' on an wedding RSVP, because your teams playing their in-state rival that weekend.  Or maybe you don't want to be that jerk that drops off a present at your sister's baby shower, and then run home to paint your face orange and blue so you can watch your team lose.  Or maybe Idon't want to end up single because football and my boyfriend's birthday plans aren't exactly in the correct order on my priority list.

Just make your sure friends, family, and super awesome boyfriend are polite enough to hop on and check out the schedules before planning anything important.  If they love and care about you, they'll arrange their life around football.  I mean, Jesus is thoughtful enough to have church over before football starts on Sundays.

So, all you guys enjoy your football games, I'll be sitting in the woods, drinking straight from the bottle box of wine and peeing outside.

Beat the Gators!

Oh wait.
Venus Trapped in Mars

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