Monday, January 6, 2014

Here I Am!

Oh shit, I have a blog.  Hi there.  This time I haven't been bumming on the couch this whole time.  Well, not the WHOLE time.  First, let's get through the hard part:  I left Joey for five days.
FIVE F-IN' DAYS.  I haven't been away from  her for more than two days since the month after I got her, and that was actually kind of nice because I was MIA during some crucial potty training incidents. To say those five days were rough would be a giant understatement, but your girl was in major need of a vacation, so I packed three bags for a five day trip and off I went in search of that southern accent I managed to drop a few years ago.  I swapped out that cute face up there for some even cuter faces though.

I was in niece and nephew HEAVEN for New Years.  I was a little nervous, because it was only the second time I had been around my youngest niece, but I ended up basically being her favorite person of all time.
You can say it, my family makes beautiful babies.

Anyways, I showered those babes with presents and kisses and took them to the zoo and slumbered party on the living room floor with them and we ate everything bad for us.  I had an absolute blast, but learned some very valuable lessons.

1.  Four kids is too many

As I've gotten older, I've switched gears from 'Kids are evil' to 'Ok, fine, I'll take a couple'.  One thing I won't be doing?  Having four of them.  They're never hungry at the same time or want to eat the same thing, never want to do the same thing, they have no concept of time or money, and I'm getting easier to outsmart.

2.  Where babies come from

Ok, I 'know' where babies come from, but when your eleven year old niece decides to get curious about the birds and the bees at the beginning of an hour long car ride, you get a little flustered and may get your facts confused.  Trust me.  After reviewing my answers under less pressure, turns out, that doesn't go there and you can't get pregnant that way.  I would like to thank the gorillas who decided to have sexy time in front of us at the zoo for putting me in that situation. 

3.  Hell doesn't have a bar

I'm from an insanely tiny town in North Central Florida that requires a ton of drinking.  Every day.  All the time.  Only problem is, I'm clearly the only one who feels that way.  Ellisville, get a bar, dude.  You make me want to stick my head in an oven, I need you to at least get me drunk beforehand. 

4.  There are more people I like as much as my dog than I thought.

So I survived my first trip without Joey and it was all thanks to these cats:

Ok, it also helped that I found a dog on the side of the road within my first day there and got to keep him for two days until I found his parents, but that's not that point.

Naturally, the boyfriend got a little nervous over this picture and immediately called me to shoot down any hopes of adding this guy to our family if I couldn't find his owner.

After ten years of living in Orlando, I finally find myself consistently referring to it as 'home'. The only thing wrong with Orlando is, nobody in any of those pictures lives here. Not a single one of them. I miss them all the time.  But as much as I loved every stinkin' second of being with my family and friends and already miss them like crazy, I was definitely glad to come home away from awkward conversations about sex and just in time watch UCF win the Fiesta Bowl (hooray!) and snuggle with my Joe.
Oh! I totally missed my boyfriend too. 
Really babe, I missed you a ton.  And I'm not just saying that because you cleaned the whole house while I was gone.  It's mostly because you had CapriSuns and Doritos waiting for me.  That's why I call Orlando 'home'.

Oh, and if  you happen to live anywhere north of Florida, please forgive all of us now for the next couple of days worth of complaining about the cold weather.  It's supposed to be in the 20s and we just can't down here.  We can't.

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