Anyways, I showered those babes with presents and kisses and took them to the zoo and slumbered party on the living room floor with them and we ate everything bad for us. I had an absolute blast, but learned some very valuable lessons.
1. Four kids is too many
As I've gotten older, I've switched gears from 'Kids are evil' to 'Ok, fine, I'll take a couple'. One thing I won't be doing? Having four of them. They're never hungry at the same time or want to eat the same thing, never want to do the same thing, they have no concept of time or money, and I'm getting easier to outsmart.
2. Where babies come from
Ok, I 'know' where babies come from, but when your eleven year old niece decides to get curious about the birds and the bees at the beginning of an hour long car ride, you get a little flustered and may get your facts confused. Trust me. After reviewing my answers under less pressure, turns out, that doesn't go there and you can't get pregnant that way. I would like to thank the gorillas who decided to have sexy time in front of us at the zoo for putting me in that situation.
3. Hell doesn't have a bar
I'm from an insanely tiny town in North Central Florida that requires a ton of drinking. Every day. All the time. Only problem is, I'm clearly the only one who feels that way. Ellisville, get a bar, dude. You make me want to stick my head in an oven, I need you to at least get me drunk beforehand.
4. There are more people I like as much as my dog than I thought.
So I survived my first trip without Joey and it was all thanks to these cats:
Naturally, the boyfriend got a little nervous over this picture and immediately called me to shoot down any hopes of adding this guy to our family if I couldn't find his owner.
After ten years of living in Orlando, I finally find myself consistently referring to it as 'home'. The only thing wrong with Orlando is, nobody in any of those pictures lives here. Not a single one of them. I miss them all the time. But as much as I loved every stinkin' second of being with my family and friends and already miss them like crazy, I was definitely glad to come home away from awkward conversations about sex and just in time watch UCF win the Fiesta Bowl (hooray!) and snuggle with my Joe.
Really babe, I missed you a ton. And I'm not just saying that because you cleaned the whole house while I was gone. It's mostly because you had CapriSuns and Doritos waiting for me. That's why I call Orlando 'home'.
Oh, and if you happen to live anywhere north of Florida, please forgive all of us now for the next couple of days worth of complaining about the cold weather. It's supposed to be in the 20s and we just can't down here. We can't.