Hi there! I was about to wish you a big ol' 'Happy Friday!' but that's a little premature, since, you know, it's only Thursday. Sorry to bring it up. I've had a really hard time accurately knowing what day of the week it is so far for most of 2014. I think I've been right about it two days so far. I think I'm going senile. Anywho, I was browsing Twitter yesterday and HelloGiggles posted an article titled 9 Signs You Have An Unhealthy Relationship With Your Dog. (Not where you thought this post was going when you read the title, huh? Don't worry, my human relationship is perfectly healthy besides the boyfriend's need to crush my soul.) Moving on.
If you guessed that I was able to nod my head in agreement to nine out of nine of those signs, then congratulations, you know what every other person who has ever seen my blog/Instagram/Twitter/Facebook/person knows: I love my dog.
We are also hands down the cutest couple in Winter Park, probably in Florida, and most likely in the US. Ok, I'm being modest. We're the cutest couple in the world.
WE CAN'T HELP IT.
Anyways, was I nodding my head in shame to these nine signs, you ask? HELL NO. I was actually a little disappointed in the author that they would assume that those are signs of an unhealthy relationship.
1. YOU'RE JEALOUS WHEN HE SLEEPS WITH OTHER PEOPLE
I wouldn't say I necessarily get jealous when she sleeps with other people, because she doesn't sleep with other people. Ok, maybe I yelled at the boyfriend for stealing her in the middle of the night while we were camping last week, but that was strictly for body heat purposes. I was jealous because I was cold. My jealousy was practical and HEALTHY.
You can never overcare for your dog. Moving on.
3. YOU WALK HIM FOR HIS HEALTH, NOT YOURS
Joey has recently been getting picked on for her weight by a few people. You guys know who you are and you're bullies. There's a giant anti-bullying movement happening right now, GET WITH IT. So, yes the two mile walks we do on the days we're not running the dog park are more for her than me, that makes me a good mother.
4. IF HE THROWS UP, YOU PANIC
This one doesn't really apply to me because Joey has health insurance, so whatever is making her throw up will cost me basically nothing at the vet, so I can make all the unnecessary trips I want. I'm sure the LOVE me there. And I don't really 'panic' so much as lie awake at night with her until she's 100% back to normal.
5. YOU WORRY ABOUT HIS FEELINGS
Of course I do. This has a lot to do with the fact that she has a pretty killer sad face.
It physically hurts me to see her face like that. So, I mostly worry about her feelings to spare my feelings.
Oh, and also because I have a soul.
6. YOU CAN’T TELL IF THE DOG NEXT DOOR IS BULLYING HIM AND IF SO WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT
Joey has more of a problem with the cats next door. She wants to play with them and they hiss at her try to scratch her eyes out, which makes her sad because she's just trying to make friends. See number five.
7. YOU GET SEPARATION ANXIETY
Of course I do. You'll be hard pressed to find a canine owner who doesn't get separation anxiety. So if this makes my relationship with Joe unhealthy, then I will gladly join the club.
8. YOU’VE MADE MORE OF A COMMITMENT TO YOUR DOG THAN TO ANY GIRL (OR GUY)
No matter what you guys think, I do not put Joey above David on any list, except for a list of who I like to take naps with the most. He's not as big on cuddling as she is. Any new friends I've made after getting Joey? Sorry, you're numero dos behind her.
9. YOU ALL OF SUDDEN REALIZE YOU’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT YOUR DOG FOR 10 MINUTES STRAIGHT TO A STRANGER WITHOUT TAKING A BREATH
Not unhealthy. Joe is funny and makes for good conversation. Just ask me about her the next time you see me. It'll save me the trouble of having to bring her up.
Was this article an accurate portrayal of mine and Joey's relationship? Yes. Is it unhealthy? You be the judge. If you say 'yes', you're incorrect.
Ok, so maybe if I read this article about 15 years ago, as a cat owner and somebody who was scared of dogs I would think all those signs pointed to a crazy person.
But, if loving Joey is wrong I don't want to be right.