We need to talk. I stuck through the Grammys last night because, well I'm sick of felling old. I thought this would be another MTV Awards situation where I had no idea who anybody was and the music would be too loud for me. 'What is an Ariana Grande and why can't she stop wearing that half ponytail?' Besides some strange girl wearing a lampshade, I was thoroughly impressed with my knowledge of who was coming across the stage most of the time.
Don't get me wrong, I appreciate everything you did for me last night, CBS. And by everything, I mean this:
I had to sit through Robin Thicke without the twerking, Lampshade Girl, AND She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (also known as girl who can't sit down in front), and you freakin' cut off Nine Inch Nails, Dave Grohl, Queens of the Stone Age, and Lindsey Buckingham? I can't even. I mean I know you gave me the royal couple and John Legend, but Trent Reznor doesn't seem like somebody who would exactly take being cut off lightly, so I'm sure he'll boycott the Grammys and now you've ruined them for all of us. THANKS.
I seriously can't even remember anything else good about the Grammys because the ending just ruined it for me. Kind of like Gone Girl, but I eventually forgave Gillian Flynn and read that again. You will most likely not get back in my good graces as quickly, CBS. Mostly because I just watch Netflix and The Food Network, so I don't really need you, but if you want to send me a gift basket, that would be fine.
I'm off to rewatch the first and last performances from last night and throw things at me TV because I'm not and will never be one half of The Carters and because I will never know how much better that closing performance ended up being.