Help

So, if you remember from this post I'm a giant idiot and signed up for a half marathon.  The biggest problem with that, is that it's no longer three months away, but less than two days away.

Sure I've been training, but still, 13.1 miles, man.  I've been running for about six or seven years, but I am still the most nervous I think I've ever been about something.  Sure, there is a little bit of excitement sprinkled in, but mostly I feel like I'm going to throw up every time I think about running.  And since I like to open my big mouth all the time, entirely too many people know about this for me to back out now.

I'm not going to lie, I've been crossing my fingers and toes that something, ANYTHING, would happen that would give me an excuse to get out of this bad boy.  And no, I don't know why I signed up for it.  If I remember correctly, I was a little drunk.  Apparently my confidence in my endurance is positively correlated with my blood alcohol content.  I'm not happy about it.

Anywho, I've decided to take it easy with running this last week before the half marathon, and just stick to short runs with my Joe or yoga, so I've had some spare time to come up with some scenarios that would get me out of this.

Now would be an excellent time for you to come rapture us, big guy. I'm not necessarily saying I would make the cut on who gets to head back upstairs with Jesus, but He could at least write me a note or something to get me out of this. I know a couple of notaries.

Maybe Hurricane season could show up for the party a little early this year.  These past few seasons have been weak, so Mother Nature has some serious catching up to do.  Starting in March instead of June would help you and me, lady.  I'm all about running in a light drizzle, but not in eighteen inches of rain.

I mean, I can't possibly be expected to run a half marathon after getting hit by a bus.  Maybe it just runs over my toe or something, because ya know, actually getting hit by a bus would require death.  Regina George may have survived, but I would rather not take my chances.  Although, I do really want to get out of this thing....so maybe a bicycle clips me on the sidewalk instead.

I will also be praying for a flat tire on the way there, a sprained ankle, lost keys, heavy traffic, catching pneumonia, or any other miracle.

Since I probably have a better chance of winning the lottery than any of those things happening, I should probably get to stretching/carb loading/hydrating/crying.  Also, if I do win the lottery, I will be purchasing the land this thing is being held on and setting it aflame.  And by 'carb loading' I mean I've typed most of this post with one hand because I've been stuffing cookies in my mouth with the other.  That's that Paleo diet thing, right?

Whatever.

Kill me.